The plot thickens...

I haven't given up yet! The stupiest idea since Ricky Hatton thought "Pacquiao - I could beat him, he looks a bit gay" is still very much a reality. Well, a possibility. Ok - i've pissed about on the internet a bit.

After some intense research (google, then wikipedia) I have found out a bit more about how the songs get chosen for the contest. I was naively under the impression that a little chilled out island like Malta's selection process must just be a few esteemed members of the community (chief of police, El Presidente, head of the equivalent of the Women's Institute) sitting round a table in a beachside bar, listening to a few songs over a few Sangrias and then pick one of the tunes at random. Preferably one with some dreadful English lyrics. I foolishly envisaged myself finding out when the conflab was happening - hop on an Easyjet, gatecrash the meeting with my trusty old Ibanez and serenade them with the song (OK it doesn't exist yet - i'm working on it), at which point they would spontaneously burst into applause, except the Chief of Police who would spontaneously burst into big sploshing tears and offer me his 17 year old daughters hand in marriage (which of course I would decline being happily married already).

It would then be a whirlwing publicity tour of Malta, and then off to Oslo to clean up in the ceremony.

If only...

It's dawned on me that I know absolutely nothing about Malta. The only thing I know about Malta is that the snooker player Tony Drago is from there. I don't think that's going to get me very far with El Presidente... And as you can see from my meanderings above, I appear to be mixing Malta with garbled visions of Italy, Spain, Greek Islands and South America.

After having read up on it, it appears the selection process is a televised public vote, not too far removed from our own process in the UK (although thankfully without the repugnant Andrew Lloyd Webber with his face that looks like it's been drawn on by a drunk 4 year old child).

It is an extremely long and convultued process, beginning with songs being submitted to the TV stations office, and then going through numerous TV heats being whittled down to the 'Super-Final' where the Maltese public choose the winning entry. I might need a bit more time off work than I initially thought...

Also, a couple of other stumbling blocks - 1. There were hundreds of songs submitted, by various professional artists and Eurovision hopefuls. There is also mention of the Union of Maltese Singers and Songwriters (UKAM) being involved. Unions - this sounds a bit serious. The Maltese musicians may not take too kindly to some amateur strolling in trying to hijack the contest.

2. The whole point of this is that I try to write the song in Maltese, therefore showing that it is possible to write lyrics in a different language without resorting to cliche... but all but one of this years contendors were in bloody English!!! I've got a feeling Maltese may not be as popular language as I thought...

to be continued...